Great Jobs #5: Wedding Planner
While I know it’s considered about as manly as picking daisies or The Notebook, I think that being a wedding planner has a lot of potential. I could encourage people to get married dressed as their favorite dinosaurs, for example. Or make everyone attending the ceremony wear rollerskates. Or both. However, very few people will do this on their own initiative, I’d need to be more than just a wedding planner, I’d also have to be a Reality Show Producer/Host.
Named something patriotic like “America’s Next Top Wedding” or “American Wedding Idol,” I’d pitch the idea to Fox, who would immediately show interest in it. To seal the deal, I’d have to promise to be an asshole and make people cry. Then once they wrote the check, I could just throw money at the contestants and they’d jump through whatever hoops I want them to. Then we could get to doing the really fun stuff.
The basic question that’ll drive the show is “How crazy is THIS wedding going to be? Well, here are some of my favorite ideas so far:
- Spider-man themed, where the bride and groom are attached to a giant spiderweb while the vows are being read.
- On a rollercoaster and the couple has the minister behind them, reading the vows with a megaphone. The “you may kiss the bride” will be caught on the park’s camera and available for $3.99 per print.
- Impromptu in the middle of Times Square. The entire thing is carefully planned to take less than 10 minutes and would involve ninja-like logistics.
- Dressed as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Considering the sexes of the turtle gang, this would probably have to be a gay wedding that takes place in Vermont, but given the demographics of Fox, this might help the Gay Rights movement out a lot.
- If it starts to sag a little, we could jump the shark by having one wedding could take place in the middle of the ocean.
- For the season finale, we could marry someone in space.
We would have mini-contests for the audience to come up with brilliant new ideas. Every so often, we could have guests on the show, like Bam and the Jackass Crew or Criss Angel or Jon Stewart or anyone else. Maybe we could reserve some rights in the contracts to remarry some people. Or marry a couples’ pair of pets. The possibilities are endless!
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K, most reality t.v. is beneath contempt… but I’d watch it.
Would it be insensitive to request a midget for the show’s host? Cus I really think it would boost ratings. Nothing launches national buzz like a midget. *nods*
I am glad I have somehow converted someone to being a Bright Eyes fan! *lol* Those are crazy ideas. Brilliant! I gotta hire you if I ever get married. *lol* I like the Spiderman theme. Hey, maybe Dr. Octopus could be the priest?
There was a wedding reality show. It was truly horrible. Had you been the producer it would have been much better.
When I have my North American wedding I will hire you as the planner. I would like a Sailor Moon vs Godzilla theme.
Well, why not start off a marriage with a laugh? Had Carol Burnett been talking about marriage, her famous quote might have read “Tragedy is comedy plus time.”
If you’re a wedding planning, will you promise not to recommend “honey-funds” where the only gifts one can give are in denominations no smaller than $100 towards someone’s airline ticket to Greece?
Oh, I’d be so good at this job. You know what I do in my copious free time? Invent offensively-themed Lego sets. Let me give you a hint: Antebellum South Lego playset. Think about it.
It just gets more offensive from there. I think I could do the same thing with weddings.
I’m testing to see if my linky thing works now. If it doesn’t, heads will roll.
Phew! No heads need roll.
I love the reality show idea. I’m from the UK and something as crazy as that would go down like mad over here.
And I thought I had a good idea with my personalized video cards.
Anyway, main thing is, you brought a smile to face.
Thanks and have a good one.
Stewart